Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Crash Courses.


I hear you need my service, but it doesn't come for free.

I'd love to help you solve this if it won't endanger me

I'll drive your car into a wall, but it isn't always cheap

I get your car loan paid for. It is one disgusting heap.




When I was growing up in West Virginia I worked a lot of different jobs to earn spending money. It was a different era and a different mindset. If you wanted something, you earned it. That's just the way it was.

I delivered newspapers, set pins at the local bowling alley, washed cars, caddied at the local golf course. I think you get my drift. None of these jobs were easy, but none of them involved a life -threatening situation. Then there was my friend Andy.

Andy was the go-to guy if you needed a car totaled. Sometimes the payment was too high and sometimes the car wasn't worth the amount that the person owed. The owner could have been laid off or lost their job completely. There were endless stories that people told Andy, but the result was the same in each case. They needed their car to be totaled for the insurance money.

This was a time before air bags and seat belts, so Andy earned every penny that he made. I never witnessed any of his crashes, but I heard a little about his technique. I don't know what or where he crashed the cars into, but he would cross his arms between ten and two on the steering wheel, put his head down, and hope for the best.

I never would have thought of being a "crash dummy" as a profession but to each his own. Andy seemed to have what he needed in life and always had a few dollars in his pocket. It has been over fifty years since I have thought of him. The stories just keep on surfacing. I hope you enjoyed this memory.